Since today is very crucial and stressfull for our family, my focus during this whole day has been children. Vulnerable, young, mostly innocent and totally depending on us. It really troubles me that such beautifull gifts from a loving an gracecious God could be abused, maltreated and very often used by adults to enhance their own agendas.
One of our friends has been divorced for five years. He had very serious problems at that time in his life and it contributed to more than just half the reasons for the divorce. He suffered from PTS and was a drug addict. He was manipulative and untrusworthy. From time to time he disappeared for days on end, only to return black and blue after being assaulted by drugdealers, without his cellphone and once even without his car. What I am trying to say is, he really did a lot of damage to himself and his family. At that stage his ex-wife allowed him to see his children, but then she found somebody new to love her, got married, and now refuse to let him see the children.
Since then he cleaned his life up, he went to two or three rehabs and now he is building a new life for himself. But he cannot see his kids. Only once in two years she allowed the children to come visit recently, and only under the supervision of a friend. I saw these kids, they miss their dad. They want to spend time with him, in the few hours they had, they hugged him, climbed all over him, kissed him and hanged on to him. Why is it so difficult for adults to get passed their own hurt and disappointments, to be able to go on with their own lives and allow their children to have as normal an upbringing as is possible in such unnatural circumstances.
During the past few days I went through a small bit of nostalgia for the carreer I left behind me. I wondered if the article I had published in a British social work magazine could be found on the internet. So I did that stupid thing – I googled myself. And then, there in front of me appeared an article of a blog or something, posted in 2007. It related to case I worked on in 1996, where I was the probation officer in a sexual offence court case. Here in 2007, the same family appeared in court again, only this time because the father pimped his underage daughter – last time it was his wife (the mother). I remember in 1996 it came out that the mother had already taught her by then 5 and 7 year old daugters to pole dance naked.
And then I remembered, also in 1996, our then provincial minister of health, stated clearly that the prevention of HIV infections is not a value based issue.
Really it seems to me, most things must be value based. Maybe not so much on our own view of life and what it right or wrong, but very much on the value we place on our children. If we value them as precious gifts, given to us to afford us the opportunity to impart a bit of ourselves into them, to allow a bit of ourselves to continue into the distant future through what we teach them, and what we give them, the opportunities and love, the caring and nurturing. I cannot think of a greater gift than children to adorn our lives, it is all we have that has any meaning, and that will continue having meaning long after we are gone. What we invest in them, will still have meaning long after they are gone, through their investment into their children, and so on and so on.
Why do we find it so difficult to stand back, and for one small moment, stop thinking only about ourselves, and our own immediate needs. Why is it so difficult to allow other, especially our children, to live life to the fullest (their fullest, not our idea of it).
I once heard something that went more or less like this: “Children are not only small people, they are adults in training”. I really think they should be allowed to become the adults God intended them to be. May He give us the grace to help them become that.
