That part in my previous post, where I mentioned that my stepmom did not ruin my life, okay, she actually managed to ruin some parts of it.  (At first is was quite a big part, but thanks to a lot of counselling, therapy and even more grace, most of it was restored).  For this post I need to give you a little background into the heart of a five year old girl.

As mentioned before, my mother passed away when I was five years old.  At that time my baby brother was 18 months old.  To me, he was the most important person in the universe.  Emotionally I took full responsibility for him (as 5 year old children go – this happened inside my head, no-one else knew).  My father, being overwelmed by having to raise 4 children, the youngest being 18 months old, set out to find someone to help him.  He ended up marrying my stepmom within 3 months of my mothers death.  He did not know her, but that is another story.  So here she came, a very young woman (16 years older than me) with her two children – a boy of 2 and a half and a six month old baby girl.  Then my two older sisters left and suddenly it felt if it was only me standing between the world and my little brother. 

I loved that little boy intensely and fended for him as much as I can.  I tried to explain here how it happened, but there is no real words to describe it, it is too involved and complicated, but in the end, I lost my relationship with my baby brother.  We see each other from time to time, and I still love him to the point that I cannot control my emotions because of this loss, but we have grown apart. 

So, what is the gift I received? 

My brother has a little girl, six weeks older than my Pieter.  He never married her mother, which basically took the little girl out of the lives of the rest of the family.  This young mother, a beautifull, soft spoken girl, experienced a lot of rejection and did not really want any assistence from us.  And then, last Thursday night, out of the blue she called me.  Telling me, she moved into town, her little “Pikkie” is in the same preschool than Pieter, and could I please help her by taking the little girl home with us on Friday after school!!!

So, we took this most beautifull little girl home, she played with our kids and like all other children, did not want to leave when the afternoon was over!!  I wish I could describe the feeling when I look into those beautifull blue eyes.  It was like looking into the eyes of my “baba boetie”. That same protectiveness that haunted me when I was small, crept back into my heart.  I once heard that the feelings a person has for his or her own children are more focussed and intensified towards their grandchildren.  Maybe the same principle applies to the children of those you loved as much as I did my brother.  I experienced this little girl’s visit as a great gift and a priviledge.  And maybe, through this beautifull child, another piece of healing would enter my world.

Thankyou Lord, Your grace abounds to me.